Retrain The People In Your Life
January 29, 2009
Now this title might seem a little controversial but the topic really has more to do with retraining yourself to not accept things from others that you do not like. I watched a great video this morning by Patricia Fripp who talked about this topic. She said that we start to run like trains through our lives. Always on the same track and if we are not careful the track we choose takes over.
In terms of the relationships you have with your friends, family, co-workers and even just general acquaintances this can add up to a lot of unconscious habits. I had a friend a few years ago that was constantly late. She never arrived on time and she would cancel after I had already arrived at a restaurant. Her behavior was totally unacceptable. However, I let her get away with it. I would say things like “oh I understand” or “its okay,” when what I should have been doing was telling her how I really felt.
After being stood up for several different events I finally broke and told her exactly how I felt. I let her know that I valued my time and I expected her to value it as well or we could no longer be friends. That shocked her. No one had ever spoken up for themselves with her and she had been doing this for years. Did my actions totally change her behavior? Sadly no, but I was able to stop being upset and feeling resentment over her treatment of me. For awhile she stopped flaking on me. When she started it again I made my choice and choose to be around people who treated me with more respect.
While the above example might be a little extreme I am sure that you can think of a few things that are going on in your relationships that bother you. Let me tell you a little secret. If you don’t tell the other person you never give them the option to fix it. You resent their actions unfairly.
Start to train yourself to speak up. Step off the railroad track you have laid down with the people around you and lay new habits. While you’re at it you should also take a hard look at your own actions to see if you are being the best friend, spouse, child, parent or co-worker you can be. Habits change overtime and sometimes the people around you will need gentle reminders before they can really implement the changes you ask for. Just be open and honest and have patience, your relationships will be stronger and happier if you adopt this process.
To learn more from Patricia Fripp visit www.GlobalSuccessILG.com
Christina Helwig
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Christina,
This is so true! Especially if you are part of an organization or run a group. I “train” my members to be on time by starting the meeting or event, on time. People who are chronically late will learn that we won’t wait for them. And, we won’t back track.
It’s hard. People get upset. But it is extremely rude to hold up 10 people for 1.
And, you’re right, it’s important to be gentle and remember that you dislike the behavior and not the person.
Thank you for the reminder!
Beth